The Ghost Haunting Your House is Not Happy With Loosening COVID Restrictions

An open letter from a peeved (and mildly heartbroken) poltergeist.

Photo from Unsplash.

Dear roommate,

I am really not one to cause a fuss (aside from the occasional plate flying off the shelf), but I think that as your roommate, it would be remiss of me not to let you know that a few things have been bothering me lately. When you first moved in, I was wary to have yet another person cycle through. You see, I have had many roommates in the past 200 years, and nobody seems to stick around long. I don’t know what I’ve been doing wrong… Since I don’t have a voice, I’ve always done my best to communicate through other means like writing on the walls with my red paint marker, tracing my fingers through the fog on the mirrors, or moving the objects that I take issues with. I think it’s so important to communicate, but all of the roommates in the past have reacted by yelling, screaming, or trying to have their friends (why are their friends always priests??) kick me out of my own home. It’s been a little hard to learn to trust again. After nearly two years of you living here though, I really thought I had found the one. The perfect roommate, and dare I say, maybe a little more?

I swear I didn’t plan for it to happen this way. It just sort of happened. Maybe it’s the way you calmly shut the cupboards that I open when I’m agitated, or the fact that you don’t mind when I watch you sleep for hours. Or how after I’ve thrown a plate or a glass in a fit of anger, you don’t run screaming. You’re just so good at dealing with my moods. And even better, you were always home. I love how much time we got to spend together, even if you did spend a lot of the time doing work on your computer.

I really appreciated the way you wrote sweet little love notes to on post-its and left it on the bathroom mirror… I guess you must have seen me writing things like “get out while you can” and “run” in the steam, and decided that I have an anxious attachment style (you’re right, I do). It meant the world when I found the post-it that said “keep it up, boss babe”. I also really liked the one that said “you look beautiful, I promise”. I should probably let you know that I don’t love the pet name babe, but we can work on it! The…