The Five Sexiest Foods to Eat With Your Partner, Ranked
My partner and I are in a long-distance relationship. We see each other four to five times a year. Consequently, our visits tend to be extreme on every level as we vie to make up for lost time. There are some constants to every visit: we get pizza at least once, stay up until 2am or later every night… yes, we definitely mack a little (just a little, my grandparents read this!), and we try our best to find new adventures every time.
I’ve been with this person a long time. It’s been on and off. There have been ups and downs. And he’s definitely seen more than one un-sexy side of me. (Flash back to the start of this visit, he was sitting IN the empty tub facing away from me, with his hand stretched back to hold mine while I gagged in the toilet. Because I need company while I throw up but I also have stage fright.) But when it’s long distance, the few times per year that we get to see each other inspire me to put my best foot forward and ya know, make him remember why he loves me, so he will come back.
If this situation resonates with you, here is a list of sexy foods to try next time your partner is in town.
5. Whipped Cream
Mmm. This one should be the tried and true, right? Wrong. I keep a canister of whipped cream handy at all times. Not for sexy stuff — just for my coffee. I don’t even like sweet coffee, or a lot of cream and sugar, but that whipped cream atop a dark coffee on a Sunday is unparalleled in its sweet simplicity. So at near midnight during a break from our regularly scheduled programming (F is For Family, duh), I walked into the kitchen and my partner asked me to close my eyes and open my mouth. Mkay, I hate this game. I hate surprises, I hate guessing, I despise sensory experiences that I can’t see. But I played along. He squirted whipped cream in my mouth, only the sound was jarring and no cream came out. Which took me back to the days when I was very little, and my mother told me that only she could dispense the whipped cream that way, because if we did it wrong we could die. I know now that the only thing that could happen is an accidental whippet, but those grisly warnings from my childhood still scare me.
So I jerked my head and shrieked “You are trying to kill me of whippets!”, like any reasonable person would, just as the nozzle fired and discharged whipped cream flecks all over me. Hot stuff.
4. Mango with CBD Oil
Back when I was a huge Caroline Calloway stan, I saw on one of her glamorous dinner stories that this is what she served for dessert. I have a tiny bottle of hemp-derived CBD that I love, and I got mangos specifically for this. But I’m not much of a fruit fan. I’m guilty of thinking it looks good in the grocery store, then bringing it home and letting it rot on the counter. So if shriveled is your thing, I guess go for it. I think I’m gonna pass on the mushy spoilt mangos.
3. Chocolate Tart
Yeah, you know the one. The flourless kind that is basically like thick, heavenly ganache on a plate. Feed your lover a bite of that and tell me they won’t go all heart-eyes for you…. And then it happens. The dense chocolate heaven sticks to the spoon, and your mouth, and glues your jaw a little shut. As you try to chew, chocolatey saliva escapes your mouth because there is just so. Much. Chocolate. You finally manage to swallow, and give your lover a coy smile. It’s there. There’s ganache all over your teeth.
(Fun fact: I lost a tooth in a hunk of ganache as a kid.)
2. Expensive Rosé Champagne
My partner is actually here for my graduation, so he bought me a very fancy bottle of champagne that I had been coveting. Veuve Clicquot Rosé to be exact. After popping it the night before, we decided to finish it the next day on the beach. I had some French Riviera dreams going on: the cerulean waves, clinking glasses of rosy liquid while watching the birds, laughing together at some charming inside joke. The reality: the makeshift cork popped in my bag, drenching everything in champagne. Miraculously there was still a LOT in the bottle (thank God for fizzy blessings). We sat on the beach and immediately started getting blasted with sand. The wind was ridiculous, but I was determined. So we sat there with pasted-on smiles and drank champagne while being slowly buried. The silver-lining: sand offsets my partner’s eyes.
Tacos. Lengua tacos. Because in reality, there is nothing sexier than saying “4 lengua and 4 carne asada, con todo” and having my partner know that that’s just my order, and I will eat all eight. According to him, he also likes that when I finally offer him a bite, I hold the taco for him. It makes him feel cherished, but between us, it’s just so that he doesn’t make off with the rest of my taco. What can I say, I guess this kind of support and acceptance just does it for me.