Moving Abroad Helped Me Get Over My Breakup

Running away from my problems? Couldn’t be me.

Photo from Unsplash.

Three days after the second-worst breakup of my life, I decided to move to Ireland. I was having a good cry in the bathtub with a whiskey, some scented stress-relief bath oil, and an aggressive heavy-metal playlist. It’s possible the bubbles were getting to my head. It’s possible, that in my vulnerable state, I could really conceive of nothing worse or more difficult than being freshly ejected from a long-term relationship for what I thought was a stupid reason. I will admit that it is even distinctly possible that I thought this was a decision I would never actually have to act on. You see, my brother had applied to study in Northern Ireland for a Master’s Degree, but at this point, he felt he had little chance of getting in, if any. So I boldly declared after my long soak, that if he got in, I would go with him. Rest assured, I slept soundly that night, still plotting to stay on the Coast of California and continue working with non-profits.

Two weeks later, I woke up at the luxuriant hour of 9am to see I had missed a call from my brother four hours earlier: he got in. My head spun for hours after. Of course, I was beyond happy for my brother and excited for him, but this meant that either I would not see him for a year, or I would indeed have to put my money where my mouth was and go with him. It’s funny, but when I was still in my relationship, I was acutely jealous of my brother for having the idea to get a degree abroad. So much so, that every so often, I felt irrational anger at my partner for preventing me from going too. I knew that this wasn’t entirely his fault: it is far beyond the scope of a normal relationship expectation to ask your partner to move to another country, especially when that had never been discussed before. But if I were to go, it would mean choosing between my relationship and my desire to live in another country.

Looking back, it seems silly that I didn’t choose Ireland sooner: my partner expected me to move several states away from my home in California to be close to his work, his family, his support network. I don’t blame him for wanting this, but I do blame myself a little bit for not acting sooner on my own desires, and instead dismissing them as unreasonable, flighty, or invalid. My…