I Tried Being Joe from “You” for a Day

A Little Lesson on Stalking

Photo from Unsplash.

I, am not sure why anyone would think that a baseball cap and a black zip-up hoodie would render them absolutely camouflage, but here I go. Despite the fact that you would know me anywhere, you are that in love with me already, my simple disguise will render me unknowable as I observe you and your friends through the window of your building. I also picked up a fake pair of glasses and an adhesive mustache though, just in case. You, are living in the dorm across from me, and I can see by the way that your curtains are now shut, you are obsessed with me. That’s okay, you’re shy, not wanting to show your budding affection for me, but I am willing to wait, because what we have doesn’t come around every day — it is like the good food in the cafeteria on this University campus, elusive, drowned out by daily soggy tuna melts and subpar already-wilting salads. But you and I, we are the limited and elite ham and cheese toasties, piping hot, the ones that other people covet. Rare.

This is rare, and I am trying to be worthy of you, so I have been swimming, running, enjoying the way the fresh cold air pumps into my lungs and awaiting the day that it is your perfume instead. Your pink trainers are visible all the way across the park, just like the way I am training you by running past you on your jogs, always offering a wave and a smile. Nobody else waves at you in this self-absorbed city and so by the time you begin to recognise me, I will fill you with a sense of belonging and acceptance. I cannot wait until the day that this happens, because to be honest, I despise running, and I am only doing this for you. You will pretend to be interested in your fitness routine when our relationship starts, but sooner or later we will evolve into a beautiful domesticity and neither one of us will continue to keep up the facade for the other. I know that you run because you want to keep up your figure for me, because you want me to know that you are invested in your health, and I love you for it, but I love you the way you are also, and I am so tired of chasing you through the park. Body positivity is in, my love, and obsessive fitness is out.

Your name is Ashley, a common name, but it is exquisite in my mouth when I think of you, and it nullifies the existence of any other Ashley out…