How To Find the Girl of Your Dreams on Tinder

Listen up, men.

Photo from Unsplash.

With cuffing season around the corner and Tinder filling up again with plenty of new profiles looking for a date to the pumpkin patch, we’ve circled back to the age-old between-relationships question of how to make the most of your matches and really find love. The good news is that romance is really just a swipe right away. The bad news is that you’ve probably been doing this all wrong. Here’s the surest way to find the girl of your dreams just as soon as possible:

1. Use a fish photo to get her attention. (Fish must be dead.) Even better if it’s hunting season and you have a deer, or a string of ducks. Women want to know that you can hunt or fish to provide for the family during the long harsh winter ahead, and the easiest way to let her know is to make it your first profile picture.
2. Make sure your bio is airtight. It should include information about what you want in a woman, how a woman can best keep you happy, what you do for a living, and yes, your height. If you’re stumped, don’t worry, I have an example: 6’3”. Teacher. Looking for a submissive, sexy, and kind woman to wife up. Ideal candidate will cook, clean, and love my mother as much as I do.
3. Once you’ve matched, you should immediately ask for her Snapchat or Instagram so that you can be a gentleman and…